Where does the blame lie in those of us trying to recover from addiction? How many people did we blame for our affliction? How many parents have asked themselves if they are at fault? How is it that peers can drink and drug with abandon and never suffer consequences? How is it that others didn’t suffer the same fate as those of us who have lost everything? Why are we not normal? What defect were we born with that made us give up all that we knew to be good for drugs and alcohol? I have found that most if not all alcoholics and addicts ask themselves these same questions, that most likely have no clear answer. And so what if they did? We are still alcoholics and addicts, does who and why really matter?

It was said to me very early in recovery, “It doesn’t matter how the Jack-Ass got in the ditch, he still needs to get out!” And that is where we all must begin. I wasted so much time trying to learn why I was an addict and alcoholic. I was convinced I would find the answer in a medical book or journal. If I could figure out why, I would be cured. That didn’t happen. As I frantically searched for a cause, my addiction grew worse. Despair set in at this point and I was convinced I would never be free of this giant gorilla on my back that was sure to kill me. I was desperately tired of carrying it around but had no clue how to get it off my back.

Recommended for you