I often wonder what life after death looks like. As a child, I was promised a crown full of jewels representing my good works here on earth. Or the reunification of loved ones gone before us. Cancer-free, pain-free, frolicking in Heaven among the fields of gold. That by surviving here on Earth, we would be rewarded in the hereafter. That is what we are promised based on our spirituality, but no definitive proof. That proof, for me, will have to wait. I will find out sooner or later the answer to that question. In the meantime, the two lives lived here on Earth are one of active addiction and one of sobriety. I have survived one and lived the other.

When I was growing up, there was no foolish talk of living life to the fullest. Embracing each day and making the most of our time here. No encouragement to be whatever I wanted to be, Scientist, Lawyer, Doctor or simply a good human being. There was way too much chaos in a household with 6 children, a Mother suffering from cancer and a Father who was ill-eqipped. No, we all simply survived the best we could. I was not taught that life, on its own, could be satisfying. I learned early on I would need a supplement to enjoy life……I chose drugs and alcohol. They helped me endure life, until they almost destroyed me.

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